finding the confidence and staying connected to your authentic Self

You must know who you are

What are you passionate about? What do you love? Make a list of the things you do where time disappears.

It is a very simple approach. Yet these are the things you are here to pursue. And when you pursue what you love, you understand and experience who you really are.

And when you develop a real, tangible, embodied sense of who you are, then fear, anxiety, insecurity and sensitivity to the judgments of others lose their relevance.

Are you cursed or blessed?

If there is a desire in you to express yourself, then you must trust that.

You must acknowledge it as something real, even though it's invisible and mysterious inside of you. Resisting it actually causes more pain than does doing the work needed to discover it and express it.

Sometimes having this calling to express yourself can actually feel like a curse. Like if only you could just be satisfied with the way the world is, like other people are, then you'd have a much easier life. And you could just fit in. And plod along. Just like everybody else.

But as you shift to begin to validate and accept your self-expression, it can start feeling like it is your blessing rather than your curse.

You must turn to yourself for answers

Being yourself is the bravest thing you can do in life. Following your own inner guidance is the way to develop a sense of security within yourself.

You may make mistakes. You may not always be right, so to speak. But in the end, you must develop trust of yourself. Who else can you turn to for answers?

Yes, you can get support from others. And you can get advice. But at the end of the day, only you can decide for yourself what you will do with each moment of your day, what you will focus on and what result your heart is wanting to create. Only you can use your life energy to live your life and move your body around.

That's why following someone else's ideas of right and wrong is painful. Because you are choosing to use your own life energy to go against yourself. This is deep inner conflict, inner self-abuse.

Are you cultivating your inner voice? By writing in a journal? By standing up for yourself? By speaking to others? By realizing what you really want? By acting on behalf of you?

Losing your motivation

As you explore this path of authenticity and self-expression, you may find yourself feeling less motivated.

argh!! less motivated!!??

Yes, less motivated. Because the things you thought you had to do and be no longer have power, they no longer seem like desirable goals.

Going through this process and realization -- the death of old dreams -- can be painful.

Yet your energy does come back. It comes back in the form of authentic desire. It is shaped like sweet wishes from your heart of heart's. It may be a more quiet, gentle or solid dream. A dream you would pursue -- even if there was no reward for doing it. You would do it regardless. Because you are called to.

But it is a dream which is easy to accept once you let go of old notions around what you thought you needed to achieve to be successful. It is like an old identity falls away. And your true self is there standing.

Exhaustion and fatigue

When you're doing the work to get back in connection with your true self inside, it can be exhausting! You may need to get some serious rest.

But this is all for a good cause. And you will feel more energy and less internal conflict once you do this work of gaining clarity and accepting who you are.

So get some rest. Nourish yourself with high quality food. Let some of your chores or errands go. Find something beautiful to look at or listen to. And relax a bit more into yourself.

A place where you belong

To be healthy, you must be authentic and honest with yourself.

That doesn't mean that there aren't places and situations where you engineer your behavior. There are always times and places where you hold back or act polite or try to impress. There is nothing wrong with that. This is common sense when you want to be successful in your life or work. And on any given day, you may move in and out of different situations or cultures from your family life to work or school to situations with friends to parties where you don't know anyone. In each place, the interactions and expectations may vary widely. And you may act different based on your surroundings and what you sense about other people.

But despite of all this navigation you do to move through different spaces in the world, you must at least have some time, in a place, where you can just be honest and open with yourself, surrounded by people you genuinely want to be with, spend time with or live with.

You must have some time of your own -- apart from responsibilities around work, family or other social activities. A place, with people, where you truly can be yourself. You need this for your long term health. Take care of yourself. And feed your soul this way. Everyone needs a place where they belong.

Having enough so you can live your life

How to move along this journey to peace, calm and confidence?

You must begin to confront the beliefs that say you were not meant to be you. The odds are that if you are feeling performance anxiety around your self-expression, then there is a belief at work inside of you that says you cannot be who you are. For whatever reason. What's your reason?

Is it that you can't make money being who you are? Is that no one wants to see the expression of who you are? Is it that there is something bad or shameful about who you really are? Would your parents not really want to see your truth? Are you afraid you'll lose something? Some idea of who you are to people?

These are basically beliefs of lack and not enough. Not enough LIFE here for you to really live. Not enough passion and life pulsing through your veins. Not enough oxygen to fill your self-expressive lungs or energy to move your vibrant voice up your throat and out your mouth. It seems like you have the life force you need inside of yourself. There is abundance inside of you. You are the embodiment of enough.

Do you really believe you have this life here, but you're not allowed to live it?

Can you disappoint another to be true to yourself?

The truth is that there are people in the world who live by their truth.

And that there are people who follow their inner voice. Who believe it is a legitimate way to live.

Do you struggle to know that you have an inner voice? And that it is your truth and guide? Your teacher on how to live?

Oriah Mountain Dreamer is one of those people who asks those confronting questions on living according to your heart and your soul, like here in her poem, The Invitation: 

It doesn’t interest me what you do for a living.
I want to know what you ache for
and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart’s longing.

...

It doesn’t interest me if the story you are telling me
is true.
I want to know if you can
disappoint another
to be true to yourself.
If you can bear the accusation of betrayal
and not betray your own soul.

Finding your authenticity in each moment

Staying connected to your authentic self is a moment to moment experience. It is not something you do once and it's all done!!

Staying connected to your authentic self is like a yoga or meditation practice. It is something you do everyday. And each time you do it, you go a little deeper. And you catch a new layer that you hadn't seen before. You fall deeper into yourself. You expand your energy and who you know yourself to be.

In yoga and meditation, the breath is most important. Your breath is a tool for slowing down and coming into the moment. It is a tool you can use to sense what you know, to connect with what you are feeling.

This is connecting with your authenticity in a simple way. Your authenticity is like a living, breathing character, which has different moods and sensations. Yet it also has a consistent, patient, unwaivering tone which runs through your whole life.

I was listening to one of my favorite creativity and career coaches, Tama Kieves. She has a CD called Trusting Your Own Inner Voice. And it struck me how she refers to finding your inner voice as one of the most important things you can commit to doing in life.

Wow -- if they would only hand out grades on that in school!! Then you might really trust and know yourself.

So staying connected with your authentic self is something YOU must make important. Even if the world around you does not.

Knowing what you love

In order to stay connected to your authentic self, you must know what you love.

My friend and writing coach, Debora Seidman, sends out daily emails called Staying Connected to Your Writing. And last week she wrote something about: What do you love? Your body knows.

What does your body know you love? What vibrates as truth inside of you? Even if the people around you don't agree?

It also seems important for me to mention now that writing is a powerful, powerful way to connect with yourself. It is a way to focus in on what you really believe and want. It is a way to come to know what you feel on the inside. It is a priceless way to discover who you are and what you have to say. It is a tool for knowing yourself, for befriending your deepest desires.

Debora's daily emails on staying connected to your writing were my inspiration to start publishing short articles here everyday. If you would like daily support for your writing, you can find Debora here, at www.WritingThePrayer.com