finding the confidence and staying connected to your authentic Self

What is your natural way with people?

Does an introvert love being around people?

Can an extrovert love being alone?

Definitions, descriptions and explanations of extroversion and introversion can be helpful in understanding yourself. Yet they can also leave you wondering --

Do you want to be fully self-expressed around people because you're an extrovert? Or because you have learned that it is GOOD to like being around people? That is it good to get people to like you and for you to make sure that others feel good?

This stuff is deeply engrained. Finding your truth may not be easy.

One thing I have learned from studying introversion is that introversion supplies depth. It supplies thoughtfulness.

And it seems like if you are introverted but still want to share your depth and feeling with others (which means you must extrovert) then you must somehow learn to be grounded in yourself and therefore present and in touch with what you feel -- even as you are around others.

And then I read that extroverts like to stay on the surface. That it's not that extroverts are shallow, unfeeling people. But they just prefer the surface details of people's lives. They prefer to skim and talk lightly to many different people.

So it seems like introverts can love being around people -- but they just want to jump straight to the juicy, deep stuff about people's lives. And don't like to stay on the surface. While extroverts are happy as clams there and don't really want to do any emotional heavy-lifting.

Maybe you're an extrovert who needs to let go of taking care of people -- and just be yourself -- someone who doesn't really want the depth, but wants to lightly interact and not get bogged down.

No one way is right or wrong. Embrace what seems like your natural way with people. Seriously, drop 1 ounce of self-doubt and self-criticism today. Be guided, if even for a few moments, by whatever approach you want to take with people. Try going deeper. Try to stay on the surface. See how it goes.

Are you introverted or extroverted?

One way to look at or understand the experience of social anxiety is that you are really an introverted person who is trying to conform and change and live up to the expectations of the society and people around you. Who want you to EXTROVERT.

To act a certain way.

And that you, therefore, experience anxiety from this pressure to act in a way that is un-natural to you. (which would then logically mean that you should perhaps stop trying to be an extrovert and stop being obsessed with expressing yourself outwardly and instead focus on, cultivate and support your natural, introverted gifts)

But this is just one possible interpretation of the situation you are in and the experience you have.

It could also be that you are really naturally extroverted and that you are stuck and limited by the internal beliefs and wounds that tell you that it's not safe for you to express and be your natural, extroverted self. (which would mean you might want to get busy healing those wounds, so that you can be your natural, extroverted self)

Or maybe you are really introverted, but you've got something to say, some message to communicate, some purpose that is calling you forth. And that will inevitably mean that you must extrovert in some way to express it out and share it with others.

Which way do you think it is for YOU? Or is it something else altogether?

The seed of authenticity

The potential to grow a whole forest lies within in just one seed.

Yet only one kind of tree will grow from that seed. No other species of tree will blossom from it.

So how many versions of your self can grow from you when you are born?

Are you born with the innate desires you now have? That are swirling inside of you and frustrated to get out?

Is authenticity in-born?

Or can it grow out of you in all different kinds of ways?

Can you deny what you really are?

Until what happens, will you wait for the self-confidence to let out your gifts?

Get honest about what you really want to do with your time on earth. What matters most to you?

Survival of the authentic self

So far we have talked about anxiety and the fear of suvival.

And anxiety and the desire to be good.

What is a kind of solution for these issues?

As far as I can tell, you must (1) develop an inner self-trust and self-honesty, so that you can judge for yourself and decide whether you think who you are and what you are doing is good or not. You must develop a strong inner compass.

And (2) you must let yourself be CREATIVE. You must learn that your desire, which is coming from your authentic self, has a way of being productive and effective in this world. This is the only way to address the experience of lack and poverty and the experience that there is not enough in the world for you to be your authentic self.

What does it mean to be creative? It means you must trust your desire. And allow its expression. It means you cannot rely on someone or something else. You cannot wait for someone to send you an invitation to be yourself. Because it will never come. You are creating or being something that will not exist unless you express it.

That is the beauty of it. Your expression doesn't take away from someone else. You are yourself because only you can.

You want to be a good person

Yesterday we spoke about social and speaking anxiety as it relates to the fear of survival.

We want to survive -- physically. And our physical survival is inherently linked to social connection with other human beings. Supply that comes from the work we do for other people is the physical way in which we get our resources to pay for food and shelter.

But there is another very strong need at work, deep down in the roots of anxiety, besides just wanting to survive.

And it is the essential desire to be GOOD.

To be a good person.

We need to be loved, accepted and approved of by others not just so they'll give us money for the work we do, but also so that we can know we are good.

But in the search to be good, being authentic can easily take a back seat. After all, who are you to decide that you know what is best and what is good? When there is all of this history, tradition, society to follow?

Following your own inner voice may bring you flat up against a rule of right and wrong that you may have believed for a long time. And you might make other people around you uncomfortable if you speak your truth.

You might not feel good any more. But are you?

Your survival

Abundance is something I keep coming back to.

The question of: Is there enough, so that you can be who you really are?

Is there enough (money, opportunity, jobs, clients, customers, friends, lovers, space, time) for each one of us to be who we really are?

It seems like this is an important question for each one of us to answer.

Because obviously fear is at the root of anxiety. And if you dig down deep enough, the fear is ultimately about the fear of survival. Will I be able to take care of myself? Will I have money? Food? Shelter? (if I really speak my truth and express myself!)

And obviously, survival is closely linked to social life. For humans, social connection, being liked, approved of, accepted and belonging are all a part of survival. And it has been this way for thousands of years. It is connection we have with people through which we get jobs, opportunities and money.

People are the physical manifestation of supply for us.

And so if you cannot express yourself, you either curb and shape who you are in order to get the resources you need or else you put at risk your supply by being your authentic self.

This is all perceived fear, by the way. But it is important to lay it all out. To not keep it un-named and lurking in the back of your mind.

For it is your job to discover the TRUTH about all of this through your human experience.

Is there enough for you to be YOU?

How to look good AND be authentic?

Not being authentic is not like not telling the truth.

But there are many reasons we shape and mold how we act.

We must, right?

We must be competitive. We must be persuasive.

We need to look good for employers. We must look good to get a hot date.

There are hundreds of books on the shelves that can teach us how to be more impressive. How to present yourself better.

You want to be successful after all. Right?

Part of the answer that I can perceive is to get to a place where your fully-authentic way is something that aligns with something that is indeed effective or persuasive in the real world.

What does this mean? This could mean you get so passionate about the work you are doing, that you talk about it and do it with such commitment and desire that doing all of those exercises, in how to present yourself better, begin to blend into your authentic, passionate self-expression. As opposed to being things you CONTRIVE, 'cause you read them in a book! They more come through you. Instead of being these jerky, awkward actions you try to produce.

It's simple

Sandra Zimmer of the Self-Expression Center talks about how authenticity is when your outward expressions match your internal feelings.

Doesn't that blow you away? How simple and clear that is!?

Woo-wee!

Breathe into that...aligning your outward expressions to your inward feelings.

It sounds beauiful and it is. And to IMPLEMENT this, what does it mean?

It means you must, first of all, be aware of your feelings. Tune into them. Moment to moment.

In order to perceive if your actions are coming from the surface or from your true feelings.

Don't stop breathing!

“Fear is excitement without the breath.” - Fritz Perls

 

This quote is so true! (test it out yourself!)

Breathe more deeply today. Focus on your chest. Fill up your lungs.

Breathe more deeply when you're around and talking to other people. It helps to bring you into the moment.

It reduces anxiety. It brings you more into your body. It soothes your revved-up body. And shifts your energy.

Notice also how when you breathe more, you (kind of) get more of your own mind back.

Ya gotta know yourself

It is simple. You cannot be authentic until you know yourself. If authenticity is important to you, then it is part of your job, your responsibility to yourself, while you are on this planet, to get to know yourself.

That could be fun, hey?

Who are you? What do you really think? What have you been through in your life?

To be authentic, you must make time to explore yourself, your thoughts, your beliefs, your desires, your anxiety, your fear.