Shyness or disease?

If you have ever wondered about where the line between shyness and a disorder of panic or anxiety or social anxiety exists, check out this Washington Post article. Lisa Braithwaite talks about it on her blog.

The line's been changing! As the newspaper article explains. It's kind of scary stuff. The implications are around how people should be helped for shyness or social anxiety. Should it be medicated? Or addressed through a talk therapy approach?

I think it's helpful to name things that are happening unconsciously inside of us. When we name stuff, we can notice it happening in our minds and this creates the opportunity to have a choice in the matter. Where previously this thing going on, that we're doing, has gone undistinguished. And unnoticed. Yet it maybe controlling us.

Like without realizing it, avoiding certain situations that maybe stressful. Now with the realization that you are avoiding a situation, you can say, oh, yeah, that's me wanting to avoid. What if I go there and practice my breathing? Or practice being receptive with my eyes to people? Without having to effort alot? Allowing others to take care of themselves? Without me having to entertain or be some kind of impressive person?

Or once you name a problem, you can then get help for it. It's hard to get help if you are totally unaware.

But I can also see how naming something can imprison you. Leave you feeling like you have some label on you that you cannot escape from. You have this disease. It then becomes a part of who you are, a part of your identity, part of how you see yourself. And then are you making yourself bad for having some disease? Layers of self-bashing can build pretty thick.

Medications have side effects. That's no joke. And I also believe that every person has the right to take care of themselves. So I want to support you in breaking free and getting what you need if you're not doing something because you've been taught that it's shameful (like therapy or whatever it is).

What do you think?

Comments

[Lisa Braithwaite]

Sarah, thanks for visiting my blog and posting this link. This is a discussion that definitely needs to happen, about where to draw the line between quirky individual personality traits and "disorders."

To me, a lot of this has to do with someone's perceptions of her/himself. If you have a "fixed" mindset about yourself (see Carol Dweck link below), that is "I am who I am and I can't change" then it's going to be easier to get sucked into labeling yourself "phobic" or whatever it is and feeling like a victim.

If you have a more flexible mindset, saying, "I have this problem - it's a part of me but it's not all of me," then it's not about what or who you ARE, it's more about learning skills, gaining confidence, trying new things and keeping an open mind about the possibilities.

Sorry to go on and on. I find this topic fascinating!

(Great article here about Carol Dweck's research into why some people achieve their potential and others, who might be equally talented, don't: http://www.stanfordalumni.org/news/magazine/2007/marapr/features/dweck.html)

[sarah]

Hi Lisa,

I admit my heart skipped a beat when I read your comment. I'm yearning so much to have these conversations.

I will read that research. Thanks for sharing it. And I'm sure we'll talk more about it.

From my own experience, I've tasted how to overcome performance fears (which from one perspective could have been perhaps labeled disorders) which is a HUGE victory. And in my own mind this experience I had proved that I totally didn't need meds.

And I kind of felt like that would be true for a ton of people also if they had the opportunity to have the kind of training and support I've received. Even those who have received a diagnosis of a disorder.

(I'm working on how to translate some of this training into an online environment, but I'm not sure it's going to be as powerful as what I've received in person.)

But where my own process has been more difficult is to have enough continued exposure to the overcoming part that it becomes more my habit than my old fears and hiding. That my courageous part has a stronger stance in my sense of who I am.

Wow, thanks again, Lisa.

With joy,
sarah

[Karen DeBolt]

Hi Sarah,

I guess I have a more moderate view on the whole question of medications. Being a therapist, I absolutely know that talk therapy is extremely helpful in working through social phobias, shyness, and other anxiety issues. I have been able to witness amazing successes that clients have had.

I have also seen medication is sometimes a piece of the solution as well. I guess I feel that it is not an all or none thing. Most people dealing with anxiety will benefit from therapy alone and others will need medications as well to get over that hump. Often once they have had a bunch of successes then the medication may be tapered off and eventually discontinued.

Quirk or disorder is another interesting question. Basically, if it is adversely affecting your life at home, work or in social situations then it may be a disorder. If its just frustrating and stressful, but not wrecking havoc then it may be a quirk. It's all a matter of degree. That's my take on it anyway!

To be cynical for a moment, if you want insurance to pay for it, then it needs to be a disorder and not a quirk. 'nuff said.

Hope something in here is helpful! :)

All the best, Karen

[sarah]

Hi Karen,

As I read your comment, I find myself agreeing. I believe that we should take care of ourselves. And that means getting the help we need.

And I think shame and fear can prevent us from really doing this. (an ironic viscious cycle, eh?)

I find myself wanting to break down the barriers we have to therapy. Therapy for everyone, I say! (therapy was much maligned in my family and it's still hard for me overcome that. And I think a ton of other people have probably had similar experiences. Or else we'd all be taking better care of ourselves.)

But it also stresses me out in a way to think how limited the more modern and western models of healthcare are and the traditions and norms in different cultures are. And I feel sad to think of someone who gets medication (or not treatment or help at all!!!) when there can be many other approaches.

But they are not "accessible" because they are not a part of the dominant culture. Approaches like spiritual training or healing. Yoga practice. (my personal favorite: Speaking Circles) Sometimes, can't it be as simple as someone was just never validated, accepted or encouraged? To be authentic? To be who they are?

Expectations and rules were slapped on them or interpreted by them? Family and cultural norms might be strict? Or abusive? And they just don't know how to love who they are? Because it does not fit into the model of what is expected?

(I'm thinking the movies now - Happy Feet and Ratatouille) What happens when we have no one to validate us?

Sometimes I just don't think there is anything "wrong" except that a person needs some sincere support. Pure love of their being.

Boy...I guess I'm having a lot to say about this!!

I just know how when I walked into my first Speaking Circle experience, I experienced a new life. A whole other level of existence as a human being opened up for me.

With love,
sarah

[sarah]

Just went and walked the dogs - and thought...

Isn't it true that we don't relate to other people, to each other...

In general (in at least the U.S.)

In a way that recognizes and affirms and supports and celebrates and respects each other's being's?

I don't think we even know how to do that.

Or even think that it is important.

What do you think?

[Ivan Campuzano]

great work :)...i will make sure to keep coming back for your updates...i too love helping people improve them selves i have writtin a new article i think you might like...i would love your opinion on it :)
http://hubpages.com/hub/How-To-Get-Your-Shine-On

[sarah]

Hi Ivan,

Thanks for sharing your article. It did get me thinking!

I had to stop and re-read what you wrote: "I live under the premise that I have already lived my life; therefore I look at everyday in a way to try and understand the choices that I have made, because I have already made the decision before."

This is quite fascinating.

At first, I thought you were saying to live each day anew, as if you've lived your life and now it's time to really live.

But you were going somewhere else. You are getting us to think about how we have created our life up until now and so what we experience is a result of our own creation. We already "decided" what our life is now.

Am I getting what you wrote? It certainly made my brain go in a new direction!

Please share more thoughts of yours!
sarah

[Chris Edgar]

I like this advice, and I'd add that, if you find yourself avoiding certain situations (social functions, for example), notice your feelings as you decide to avoid them. You may observe that there's anger there -- an anger at the world for, in your view, rejecting you and failing to recognize what you have to offer. The withdrawal may stem from a desire to take revenge on the world by refusing others the gifts of your talents and presence. Once you see this anger for what it is, however, you may feel more freedom to seek out those situations you've been avoiding and to resume giving your gifts to the world.

Best, Chris