finding the confidence and staying connected to your authentic Self

Stillness awaits

In keeping with the post from yesterday about the answer to the fear of speaking awaiting each one of us inside, this morning I received a transformation e-poster from life coach Erin Curran.

These quotes on her first poster reminded me of the journey inside, where our calm presence and being, our stillness and watching muscles (our confidence) await.  Waiting to be flexed, exercised and awakened.

"Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes."
-Carl Gustav Jung, Swiss psychiatrist

"Reality is a reflection of the inner self."
-Leza Danly, Founder and co-director of Lucid Living

"What is necessary to change a person, is to change his awareness of himself."
-Abraham Maslow, American philosopher and psychologist

The speaking skill we all possess

This morning I was reading an email from the abundance queen Elyse Killoran where she quoted Byron Katie:

"We are entering the dimension where we have control - the inside"

When the fear of speaking arises, does it not seem like it caused by the outside circumstances?

You are in front of a group, and your heart starts racing.  You sense danger.  You feel shy or nervous, words don't come easily.

You find yourself in a group of people, looking around, feeling disconnected, wondering how to make your way around, where to break in and talk to someone.

But I would like to suggest that all we are experiencing - all that we can ever experience - is ourselves.   Our own body and mind.  And the information within it.

We can only experience that which is present in our own body-mind system, whether it is the spark of inspiration from a new idea we are hearing for the first time or the flashback from a lifelong history of meaningful, imprinted experiences. 

The fear we are experiencing is our own fear, fear that we're holding.  Only masquerading around as if we have no control, as if it's about something going on outside of us.  But it's only our own information, brought back to the surface, injected with energy, pulled from its dormant state, as we move through the physical world.

The world, like a mirror for us to see ourselves in.  To see what's inside that wants to be healed or overcome.

But this is the good news, because this means that inside of us is also the answer, the key to freedom, to speaking with confidence, to feeling calm and knowing safety inside.  I believe this key (that we all hold) is the ability to get present to and be with our internal experiences, brought alive inside of us.

Breathing through our experiences.  Feeling them.  Watching them rise up.  All the while - knowing inside of ourselves that it's all human stuff.  And that we are 'okay'.  For having all of it.

And that being-with opens the door to choice.  To choosing. To asking, okay, what do I really want?  As Byron Katie says, we have now entered "the dimension where we have control."  Something comes after the fear.  If we can stay with it and not resist it.  Something opens.

Today, try just being with your mind-brain-body's thoughts and feelings, images and experiences.  See your skill at doing that!

What will you reveal?

Since writing the last post and reading the comments as well as recent emails from newsletter readers and also Leila's blog...

I've been thinking that it's not that we are really afraid of what people will think. 

It's not?

Isn't that what you believe?  That your biggest is fear is what people will think of you...that you will say something stupid or embarrassing? 

Well, I think that is definitely part of it.  I know this fear is there and is a big part of what's going on.  And also I believe...

That what is going on, when you fear an interaction, is that you are afraid - that through the interaction - that other people will see how 'bad' you really might be.  (replace the word "bad" with what you most fear that you really are )

That what you are really afraid of is that through the interaction, you might reveal to yourself and to others 'who' you fear you really are...that there'll be no denying it once it's out there.

Of course, that fear lies inside of you, is your creation and is not visible to others.   And others probably have no idea.  And probably have no feeling about you that is anywhere close to what you are thinking.  (they are feeling 'who' they are in feeling in the moment)

Try it out.  Plan to talk to someone.  Watch what happens inside of you.  Notice what 'badness' does not want to be seen, wants to be protected and thinks you should hide?  And then notice how the other person you are speaking to doesn't even notice this thing about you that is so bad.

It's really all about your own fear of who you are.

But guess what!  You are absolutely NOT what you most fear that you are!

I know this for sure!  What to do next with this badness you fear?  Always add your highest sense of self love and acceptance to all of your inner experiences - because you are a good person. Always outline, circle around, frame your thoughts and feelings with the fact, with the knowing, the feeling that you are good.  And that any human experience your brain and body can conjure up is okay.  Do not taboo yourself from having human experiences - all ranges of emotion.  You are good.

Build that as your background for all that you experience.  The lens through which everything is viewed.

Who are you...supposed to be?

I think a lot of turmoil and lack of self confidence around facing other people is rooted somewhere in these questions.  And, I believe, the seed of freedom is too!

Who do you think you are supposed to be?

Who are you afraid that you are?

Who do you wish you were?

Who would you be if you were totally 'authentic'?

What are your answers to these questions?