Being real on TV + 'American Idol'

As I stated in the previous post, I'm on the hunt to find definitions of confidence that 'work'.  Do we want confidence because it will help us suppress the rising energy of emotions?  Because we want to mute and halt emotional reactions?  Do we want confidence because we want to get better at hiding how we really feel in stressful situations?  To know better how to STRENGTHEN our fake facade?  And put on a better show for other people?

What's our motivation for seeking confidence?  What's our goal when we say we want confidence?

Or do we want to become okay with what it is to be human (as we ourselves or others define it)?  To be honest about human feelings and emotion?  That if we want authentic and real, are we willing to accept that it means we must be okay with having and showing previously 'unacceptable' feelings?    And how does that work when applied out in the world when others interact with us?

Nancy Tierney says be real - even on TV - on 'American Idol': "There is something irresistible about people who just are who they are, even when they aren't at their best. We trust them. We feel at home with them. And we relate to them."

What do you think?

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Comments

[Nancy Tierney]

I think we crave confidence because we know, deep down, that it is our natural state of being. To feel confident in who we are AS WE ARE is our birthright. I believe we slipped into this world knowing we are worthy and valuable and capable of receiving all that life could offer. And that no matter what came our way, we would be able to participate fully and joyfully.

But then, we experienced something that convinced us otherwise. We formed beliefs around those experiences, and, well, now we're talking about "becoming" confident or seeking confidence because we feel we've lost what is rightfully ours.

I don't think we seek confidence to put up a better facade, or put on a better show. We seek it because it feels like coming home. It feels so good to know, to know deep in our bones, that no matter what happens, we are perfectly okay. We are safe, and we are spectacular!

[Sarah Malik]

Nancy - beautifully put - I do agree - So maybe my question is also about *how* to get home?
When we want confidence, does that mean we only want the emotions we find acceptable, but not the ones we don't like? That doesn't seem too natural.

It just seems like when we crave confidence, the logical mind says - yes - I want the good kind of confidence. But the heart or the emotional brain feels deeper - wanting 360 degree confidence. That includes the whole range. Which part gets to define it? And will the heart's definition work in the so-called real world?

Are we willing to show what comes up for us along the way to our natural state? Even if that means having emotions we don't like? And don't want to show the world?

Or do we use things like beta blockers to get back to or mimic our 'natural' state without having to show the ones we don't like?

I appreciate this discussion!

[Nancy Tierney]

Ah, yes, how to come home!
That's what we do here in Unconditional Confidence land! But everyone's journey home is so different.

Let me see if I can untangle your question(s). When we want confidence, we want to feel that no matter what we are feeling, whether "acceptable" or "unacceptable" feelings, it doesn't define who we are and our self-worth. No matter what, we are okay.

Sometimes in the Unconditional Confidence workshops, someone will get up to speak and they will start crying. And with the crying comes their judgment about whether this expression of feeling is appropriate or acceptable. They try to stop crying because they are embarrassed and yet they can't stop because they have touched on something that just must be expressed.

I always tell them, just cry. It's what wants to be expressed right now. It's completely appropriate because it's true and real and right now. Crying is a way to have your wild voice.

So, what I think you are asking is HOW do we get to the place where we feel at home and confident even when we are feeling something we've either judged inappropriate or undesirable. Well, that demands a very long answer! More than I can write here, but you can feel and know that kind of confidence. It comes with a self-acceptance and self-respect and a private joy that trumps what anyone else deems appropriate or inappropriate. It comes when you care more about your Self and your experience than you do about what someone else might think.

As for beta blockers, I think they can give certain people an experience of ease and calm in their body while in situations that would normally make them anxious and scared. As a result, they have a positive experience that could influence how they think about those kinds of situations in the future. While I don't recommend them, I'm not against them. Whatever works! Whatever can get you to where you want to go. And maybe they are one step towards an experience of coming home.