finding the confidence and staying connected to your authentic Self

Staying Connected to Your Authentic Self...

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Imagine what you want to do or say

If you are being authentic and who you are, what would you be doing?

What actions would you be taking? What things would you say?

Imagine yourself doing those things. Imagine the words coming out of your mouth. Imagine seeing the faces of the people who you'd be speaking to. Imagine how you'd stand or sit.

What would you be talking about? Why are you there

What's one tiny baby step you can take towards experiencing this kind of thing today?

Listening to critics

On the one hand, there are simply people who want to tear you down. And that's just kinda how it is. And it's pretty much a waste of time to worry about appeasing these people.

And then there are some people who have valuable feedback to share -- that you'll want to listen to.

Wisdom comes from knowing the difference. And only you can go inside your heart and sense what is true for you. But the bottom line is: Do your thing. The world has enough followers and critics. Bring your truth to the surface and live it. Spend time distinguishing what is true for you and integrating it into what you do, how you act and what you say. It will be different perhaps than what another person comes up with. But that is why you are here. It is something only you can uniquely express.

It's all you

The tough truth is that how you feel is your responsibility. Only you can decide to get the help and support you need, to feel better.

And how you feel is driven by what you got inside of you. The world is filtered through you and by you. The world feels like what you got on the inside. (I know, harsh but true)

In you and on you is the only place where you really have the power to feel better, to become more powerful and strong and to learn how to enjoy life and develop the capacity to do and be who you want.

Getting feedback from people

You may not like getting feedback from people. It may be hard to hear what others think of you. It may be hard to hear what other people see you doing.

Yet if people can share with you information about what they see you doing (in addition to just their judgments or interpretations of what they feel inside of themselves as a reaction to what you are doing or saying), then you can use that feedback to (1) act differently, so that you can be more effective with the people who you deal with.

Or (2) you can use it as an exercise in allowing other people to take care of themselves, because you're doing something you believe in and want to keep doing what you're doing even if other people don't like it or don't think it's the right way to do things.

Just realize that there are 2 sides of the story and that you must also have a healthy enough sense of self that you can allow other people to have an experience of you that is not necessarily a positive one, but that you'll still feel okay about yourself anyway. And that you must have a healthy enough sense of self that you can take feedback from others and use it to improve what you are doing, if it seems like effective and accurate information (to you) about how to do things better.

People can be wrong. And you can agree to disagree.

Breathe to stay in touch with your experience of reality

Breathing is very important.

It is hard to speak, if you're not breathing.

Just breathing fully and consciously will help you to feel better, will give you more access to your words.

A full breath grounds you in your body and on earth. It lets your body know you're okay. And that it's safe to be where you are.

Yet the busy mind doesn't necessarily like these small, profound truths like: breathe. Because it wants complex answers, strategies and techniques.

Yes, techniques have their place. Yet techniques are empty and hollow if they are not tied to your real, lived experience, if they are applied from the head down, if they are not blended in an authentic way with who you are.

If you are fully breathing, you'll be able to stay connected with yourself in the moment, you'll stay connected with your wisdom, with your actual, lived experience, which arises moment to moment out of your whole body. And then you'll be connected with not just your usual, intellectual, mental interpretation of what you're doing, how you're acting and what you're feeling, which maybe far off from what you think.

Experience how your words come

Speaking can be as easy as breathing. It is that natural to you.

If you just give yourself some space. If you let yourself breathe, words do arise.

Find someone you can practice with, who will let you play with the experience of letting your words arise without any pressure to perform. Let go and do it without using extra effort. Sense what it is like to trust the words to come which are just right for the space and time you are in.

Just like your lungs collapse and expand, moving in and out, words can flow from you to another and back again. Take a full breath and experience it happening.

You must know who you are

What are you passionate about? What do you love? Make a list of the things you do where time disappears.

It is a very simple approach. Yet these are the things you are here to pursue. And when you pursue what you love, you understand and experience who you really are.

And when you develop a real, tangible, embodied sense of who you are, then fear, anxiety, insecurity and sensitivity to the judgments of others lose their relevance.

Are you cursed or blessed?

If there is a desire in you to express yourself, then you must trust that.

You must acknowledge it as something real, even though it's invisible and mysterious inside of you. Resisting it actually causes more pain than does doing the work needed to discover it and express it.

Sometimes having this calling to express yourself can actually feel like a curse. Like if only you could just be satisfied with the way the world is, like other people are, then you'd have a much easier life. And you could just fit in. And plod along. Just like everybody else.

But as you shift to begin to validate and accept your self-expression, it can start feeling like it is your blessing rather than your curse.

You must turn to yourself for answers

Being yourself is the bravest thing you can do in life. Following your own inner guidance is the way to develop a sense of security within yourself.

You may make mistakes. You may not always be right, so to speak. But in the end, you must develop trust of yourself. Who else can you turn to for answers?

Yes, you can get support from others. And you can get advice. But at the end of the day, only you can decide for yourself what you will do with each moment of your day, what you will focus on and what result your heart is wanting to create. Only you can use your life energy to live your life and move your body around.

That's why following someone else's ideas of right and wrong is painful. Because you are choosing to use your own life energy to go against yourself. This is deep inner conflict, inner self-abuse.

Are you cultivating your inner voice? By writing in a journal? By standing up for yourself? By speaking to others? By realizing what you really want? By acting on behalf of you?

Losing your motivation

As you explore this path of authenticity and self-expression, you may find yourself feeling less motivated.

argh!! less motivated!!??

Yes, less motivated. Because the things you thought you had to do and be no longer have power, they no longer seem like desirable goals.

Going through this process and realization -- the death of old dreams -- can be painful.

Yet your energy does come back. It comes back in the form of authentic desire. It is shaped like sweet wishes from your heart of heart's. It may be a more quiet, gentle or solid dream. A dream you would pursue -- even if there was no reward for doing it. You would do it regardless. Because you are called to.

But it is a dream which is easy to accept once you let go of old notions around what you thought you needed to achieve to be successful. It is like an old identity falls away. And your true self is there standing.