finding the confidence

Get A Copy of the FREE SPECIAL REPORT: "How To Find The Confidence To Say What You Want And Express How You Feel"

                                                

I will never share your email with anyone. And you can easily unsubscribe at any time.

Survey Results and Freebie for You

First of all, thank you very much to those of you who completed the survey. It's very helpful for me to hear this kind of information from you!

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In case you're curious
=======================

Here's what those of you who completed the survey said:

When asked what you want most right now, most of you said that you want to feel less anxious and more calm in general in your life.

When asked what else you want, most of you said that you want to be more authentic and have people like you for who you are, but also a lot of you said that you want to speak easily with people and feel less anxious.

So thanks again for these responses. I am taking all of what you have shared with me to heart.

It means that I am working on an ebook that you will easily be able to download from the internet. And I'm also going to create some audio recordings, since that was the most popular format you requested. Thanks so much for you help!!

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So What Now?
==================

So to get the next part of the journey rolling!! Here's a link to a new fr'ee report called, "How To Find The Confidence To Say What You Want And Express How You Feel."

The report is a preview of the eBook I'm writing. The full length version of the eBook will be available for purchase sometime this spring.

So for now, you can download the preview for fr'ee here:
http://www.sarahmalik.com/ReportOnConfidence.pdf

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Curious about what's in the fr'ee report?
================================

Here are just a few of the things included in the report:

 - A broad framework through which to understand the "causes" of anxiety.

 - An explanation of why the "feel? the fear and do it anyway" approach doesn't work.

- A discussion of the 2 keys things you need to open up to in order to follow your heart and your desire to express yourself more freely.

- Some information on what you need to know to let inspiration and passion be your guide, instead of your fear.

- And a candid conversation about why expressing yourself? freely is so painful and is such hard work!!

I hope you'll take advantage of this fr'ee offer and read it, so that you can start applying it to your life and start to understand your experiences, your fears and your dreams in a new way.

You can find it here:
http://www.sarahmalik.com/ReportOnConfidence.pdf

What matters most to you?

While there are lots of things I want to share with you – about how to have more self-confidence and less self-consciousness – the topic itself can be a pretty big one. There are a ton of tips, tricks and tools I can throw out at you.

 

But, I want to help you get what you are hungry for. I want to know what matters most to you.

 

So would you be willing to share a few of your thoughts with me?

It’s totally anonymous and it won’t take more than 2 minutes.

 

Follow this link to my mini questionnaire:

http://www.surveymonkey.com/s.aspx?sm=iqv_2bZqm_2bK_2bjAw5JfkRYN0Q_3d_3d

 

And as my “thank you” in advance, check out this new article here on the blog called:

Why can’t we all just accept each other as we are?

http://createyourownconfidence.typepad.com/beyond/2009/02/why-cant-we-all-just-accept-each-other-as-we-are----the-reason-why-we-all-cant-just-accept-each-other-as-we-are-is-bec.html

 

Thanks again and take care,

Sarah

Why can’t we all just accept each other as we are?

Why can’t we all just accept each other as we are?

 

The reason why we all can’t just accept each other as we are is because in order to genuinely accept what we don’t like in other people, we must first have accepted that same thing inside of ourselves.

 

(And most of us haven’t looked that far into ourselves to even know what is really driving our biggest fears and limitations.)

 

Here’s what I mean and how it works—

 

I’ll use an example from my own experience to try and make this clear.

 

So over the years of looking for solutions to my fear and anxiety, I have tried many remedies, techniques and approaches.

 

I have done yoga and meditation.

I have worked with psychics.

I have had people hypnotize me.

I have uncovered and reframed many of my limiting beliefs.

I have taken supplements.

 

I have tried many things without knowing if they would “work” or not. I took many leaps of faith.

 

But I was desperate for a solution, so I decided that I would not judge anything until I had at least experienced it for myself first.

 

I tried to keep an open mind to anything that might help, even if the technique made no logical sense to my brain and even if I felt like I wasn’t really “getting it”.

 

And so, obviously, along the way I found myself judging certain techniques and the people using them as “weird”.

 

Sometimes…or even many times, (I admit), I thought people were weird.

Perhaps they were talking about spirits that I could not see.

Or they were talking about energy that I could not feel.

Or they were talking about ideas that I did not understand.

 

But I would be lying to you if I said that I never thought to myself: “This person seems a little crazy.”

 

But do you want to know what the truth of it is?

The truth of it is that I would never want someone to think of me as a little crazy!!!

 

The thing I feared most was that someone would think these kinds of things about me.

And that’s why I saw it so quickly in others.

 

And do know what else?

I had not accepted in myself (and so would see it so quickly in others) that many things I do might seem weird to people.

Or that things I believe in seem silly to someone who does not see it my way.

Or that I can feel things that others cannot.

Or that I have a strange family.

Or that what I deeply value and cherish and think seems really stupid to someone else.

 

Maybe weird or strange or silly are not a words you’ve used to describe your own life, but I guarantee you that if you are feeling anxious or lacking in self-confidence, then there is stuff about you that you don’t think is quite right about YOU or stuff that you think is not quite impressive enough or stuff that you think others will judge you negatively for.

 

So if you want more self-confidence, then find those things that are really truly driving your anxiety and your fear by looking at what you most judge in others. For there you will find your self! And what you most fear other people judging in YOU.

 

Take a minute now.

What are things that people do that you think are silly? Or stupid?

 

What do you think people do that is a waste of time?

 

Who do you think is kind of crazy?

 

Now what don’t you like about those people/things?

 

How would you feel is someone described you the way that you just described those people/things?

 

What about you, things you believe in or things you enjoy doing, can be described like that by other people who don’t feel the same way?

What The Anxiety Is REALLY About

I have been emailing to the people on my list (you can join above) and been blogging here for a number of years.

The writing is a result of my commitment to finding a way out of
anxiety and self-consciousness for myself and for anyone else who
struggles with this issue.

So now I am going to prepare you, I am shifting gears a little bit.

The emails are about to get a little more edgy.

A little stronger.

A little more outspoken.

I'm going to tell you what I really think.

For I feel a sense of urgency.

There is no more time to wait around.

There is no point in avoiding the issues.

It is time to look at things straight on.

So I invite you to keep on this journey with me and I will do my
best to speak as honestly as possible with you and to do what I can
to help you to build your self-confidence and transcend your
self-consciousness.

------------------------------------
This Is What It Seems Like
------------------------------------

After years of struggling with - and seeking out solutions for -
self-confidence and social anxiety, this is what I am coming to
believe:

I believe that, if you are reading this email, you are being called
out of a "normal" daily life.

I believe that you do not have the luxury of living a "normal" (or
perhaps unconscious) life, as many others do.

You cannot keep going without looking deeper into your reality,
without questioning the structures within which you, and those
around you, live. For the anxiety will not let you.

If you are reading this email I believe you are being called to
speak your truth. (and you may sense that others will not like it)

I believe that if you are struggling with social anxiety, you are
being called to express the yearnings of your heart.

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But It's No Vacation
------------------------------------

While expressing the yearnings of your heart may sound like it's
all about shimmering light and brightness and beauty, it is
actually a brutal path.

It is a brutal path for 2 main reasons.

------
#1
------

The path is brutal because you have lots and lots of layers of
darkness and negativity, fear and lack, inside of you - to confront
and face.

It is something I think we all have to realize - that we each have
this darkness inside of ourselves, because it is just part of being
human on this planet. Just as the earth has its sun and its moon,
its day and its night, we humans have our darkness and negativity.

But it is something we all reject in ourselves - on a global basis,
all around the world - no matter how common it may be in us.

And besides, the negative stuff has a real purpose.

As you were growing up, you figured out pretty quickly that the
most beautiful ideas, feelings, desires and wishes you had within
yourself were bad or wrong, as they caused negative reactions when
you expressed them to others.

It was smart. Why would you want to look bad? Or upset or challenge
other people?

You wanted to be good, so you hid some beautiful, bright thoughts
and feelings within yourself because they seemed bad.

You have kept them safely hidden, where no one could see them. And
where they would never be expressed again.

Only the problem now is that you seem to no longer be able to deny
these genuine desires.

Because the dark beliefs are not staying neatly fixed beneath the
pretty surface that you want to show the world. They are beginning
to mess up your daily life and interactions with the people around
you.

Indeed your beauty inside is wanting to burst out - even though
your anxiety might seem like an extremely negative experience you
want to suppress, avoid or get rid of.

But it may indeed be a sign that you need to confront all of the
darkness covering up your deepest desires and goodness.

And...

------
#2
------

The path of expressing your yearnings is also brutal because the
yearnings in your heart ARE bad. (in the eyes of some people)

The things you sincerely want and believe and desire probably DO
look bad to many people around you, to the culture you live in or
to what you have been taught to believe is right and wrong.

And that is why it is so hard to be honest about what you really
think.

You do not really trust yourself because you have learned to cover
up what you really believe and cut yourself off from what you
really want.

But do you want to know the ironic thing??

You are one of the lucky ones!!! (even if it doesn't feel like it
right now)

You are lucky because your self-consciousness and anxiety is not
letting you avoid facing these things inside of yourself that
others can easily ignore.

So this is what I have personally come to believe, after lots of
hard work and study, lots of questioning, experimenting and trying.

--------------
What do you believe???
How do you feel reading this?
If you are feeling moved to share something, I would love to hear
from you over email. Or you can post a comment here on the blog.
--------------

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Also, if you want to explore and integrate these ideas further,
then here are some questions to help you along:
---------------------------------------------------
What subjects do you avoid talking about? With friends? Or family?

What is your truth about these things you don't like talking about?

What values or ideas are most important in your family? What is
considered the truth about how you should live? What does it mean
to be a good person? What makes a really person successful?

And do you agree with what you have been taught? Or how do you
disagree and what are some of the thoughts you have about what's
important and how to define things in life?

Wishing you the best,
Sarah

Long Time No Talk -- An Important Message

Hey there,

It's Sarah Malik here, and it's been awhile since I've posted here on the blog.

I just sent this message out to the email list. I think you'll benefit from it, so I'm posting it here too.

I'm not sure if I am going to re-start this blog or not. But I'll keep you posted.

I wish you well,

Sarah


=======================
Please read on if you are struggling with anxiety, social
anxiety, shyness, a lack of self-confidence or low self-esteem.
=======================

Perhaps it's hard for you to face people.
Maybe you get easily intimidated.
Or maybe you feel overly sensitive and get stressed out by any kind
of feedback, criticism or attention from others.

Well, I'm here to tell you there is a way out.

There is a way to feel good about yourself, a way to clear away
what's stopping you from being who you really are and doing
what you really want.

There is a way to heal and transcend old, habitual ways of thinking
and feeling that keep you feeling ashamed, less-than and held back.

It is possible for you to feel solid and confident about who you
are.

It is possible to feel calm and centered around others.

=======================
The Painful Story of Anxiety
=======================
I personally know what it's like to struggle with anxiety.

It was sometime in November or December of 2002.

And I was standing in front of my desk at home.

I hung up the phone.

Well, actually, it was more like I threw it down and stepped back
from the desk to catch my breath.

What have I done!? I thought to myself.

I had just left a voicemail for some guy who was hiring for a job I
wanted.

And on that voicemail...now recorded for all to hear (argh!)...was
my
voice: sha-sha-shaking.

I had just recently graduated with my MBA and was looking for a job.

I was a newly minted MBA!!! ...And I couldn't even leave a voicemail
for a potential employer without my voice quivering!!??

What in the hell was wrong with me!!??
What was I going to do??
How was I going to overcome this?

I knew I was smart, energetic and willing to work hard.

But this anxiety was making me useless. Rendering me incapable of
doing hardly anything!

My life was literally shutting down. Even though I pretended like
everything was fine. It was not fine.

Well, that was about 6 years ago now. And I've been on many up's
and down's since then.

Up's and down's in different jobs that ranged from cold call
selling to marketing and customer service to no job at all.

I did a ton of research.

I read hundreds of books on shyness, anxiety, self-confidence and
communication.

I spent thousands of dollars on all different kinds of training,
coaching and therapy.

At times, I thought, "Ah! I have conquered it!"

And then I had times when I felt like I had lost the battle and the
anxiety had conquered me, like when I spent hours, days, months
alone at home, stuck, miserable and anxious, feeling too shy and
sensitive to be the person who I thought I was or to do the work
that I thought I wanted to do.

I was desperate for a way out...

There is a lot of the advice in the world today, on how to
reduce anxiety and build self-confidence, that DOES work for SOME
people.

But for me, most of it reduced my anxiety only slightly or
eliminated it just temporarily.

Because inevitably, I would find myself back. Trapped inside of the
fear and anxiety that turned my world upside down.

I was not fr*ee to be me. I was stuck in shame and silence.

=======================
Most Advice You See
=======================
Most advice you see about how to overcome anxiety and create
self-confidence DOES help to reduce anxiety.

And some approaches have even been proven to cure anxiety
completely.

Most advice uses at least one of the following three different
approaches.

What ones have you tried?

1) The first kind of advice focuses primarily on the physical part
of anxiety.

If you want to reduce the anxiety you feel, this approach
recommends doing things like taking an anti-anxiety pill or
supplement, changing what you eat or drink or starting an exercise
program.

This approach can be helpful, because you start taking better care
of yourself and your body, you release more of your stress and you
stop consuming substances that can increase the anxiety in your
body.

But this approach may also produce limited results because it does
not address a number of other possible causes of your anxiety.


2) The second kind of advice focuses on your thinking or awareness.

This approach says to become aware of your subconscious, irrational
or negative thoughts and feelings, so that you can either accept
them or be 'okay' with them or so that you can change them and
replace them with more positive, rational, supportive thoughts and
beliefs.

This approach is helpful because it does strengthen your ability to
experience difficult and uncomfortable thoughts and feelings and it
does expand your awareness of the negative beliefs that cause your
anxious experience.

But this approach, however, doesn't work so well if you find that
you get overwhelmed by your experience of anxiety to the point
where you feel unable to change or accept the thoughts and feelings
as they arise inside of you.

The other problem with this approach is that, of course,
intellectually you already know that your negative and painful
thoughts and feelings are garbage!

Of course, you already know that they are not rational and that you
should think more positively!

But intellectually knowing all of this about your thoughts and
feelings does not necessarily give you the fr*eedom and power to
change them.


3) The third type of advice for dealing with anxiety is the
Just-Do-It type.

This kind of advice says to keep exposing yourself to whatever you
fear until you no longer fear it.

This approach can work for you if you are able to keep pushing
yourself through your discomfort, but it won't work so well if you
have trouble forcing yourself to keep going when you feel anxiety.

=======================
They Do Help
=======================
So each of these approaches DOES HELP.
You get stronger.
You become more self-aware.
You can see more of what beliefs are creating your experience.

But what if you are still struggling?

What if, despite all of this awareness you have developed, you
still have not broken through to the confidence you want?
You still don't feel strong enough to face people?

What are you supposed to do now???

=======================
There is another way...
=======================
If you are still struggling, then I have a message for YOU.

And the message is that there is a deeper truth about anxiety that
you need to know.

A deeper truth that you've probably been waiting to hear.

So here it is...The truth is that to be truly fr*ee from the anxiety
you feel about how you should act with people and about what
they're thinking of you, you must be totally honest with yourself.

You must be able to acknowledge and admit to yourself everything
about yourself. The good, the bad and the ugly.

And as you start being truly honest with yourself, you then begin
to experience a deep, inner self-love and self-acceptance.

And with this deep, inner self-love and self-acceptance, you
(amazingly!) find yourself strong enough and brave enough--to be
who you really are--as you interact with other people.

But if you do not get to this place of self-love and
self-acceptance, you will forever be at the whim of other people's
thoughts and beliefs.

You will forever be a victim of what other people say and do.
You will never know what is right for YOU.

And you will forever be hurt and in pain about what other people
think and feel about you.

So if you are done with the struggle, here is your opportunity to
get out of it.

===========================
The "Be Who You Really Are"
Breakthrough Session
===========================
In your own personalized and private FR*EE session you will:

-Uncover key problems that are causing your current experience of
fear and anxiety.

-Develop a clear vision for what you want to do and how you want
to feel around other people.

-Learn about the steps you need to take in order to have the kind
of self-confidence you want.

-Leave the session excited and hopeful about what is possible for
you.


To have your own "Be Who You Really Are" Breakthrough Session over
the phone or on Skype, please email me at sarah at sarahmalik.com and answer
the following two questions:

1) How is anxiety or a lack of confidence impacting your life?




2) Why is it important for you to face this now?

The muscle of not trying

If you struggle with anxiety or fear or self-doubt when you’re speaking to people, you will want to read this post and listen to both the audio and the video clips.

They’re about a shift. A shift that will change your experience.

It has changed mine. And that of hundreds, if not thousands, of other people.

But it’s sort of something you have to experience for yourself to really ‘get’.

You can begin to experience it for yourself by listening to this audio clip and following along with the exercise.http://www.sarahmalik.com/exercise.mp3

So what’s the shift?

The shift is that you can be with people without having to prepare. Without having to ground yourself. Without having to center yourself.

Without really trying to do anything.

The shift is that you can feel fear inside of you. You can feel your stomach buzzing. You can feel your legs shaking.

You can worry or wonder.

But you can move into relationship with each person you interact with.

You can be present to the space, energy, interaction and being or presence of another person.

Without trying to change anything.

It’s like a muscle, though. It’s a muscle of not trying. A muscle of not efforting.

How funny!

It’s a ‘being there’ muscle, an ability to be present to yourself and other people.

It sounds funny, I know!

And yet it’s one of the most powerful things I’ve learned in my own quest for confidence.

And I’ve noticed that it’s the ironic, un-doing of our coping mechanisms, our social skills, our layers of façade and self-protection that begins to open the door to an authentic, solid, inner confidence. A presence.

I learned this stuff from Lee Glickstein, who has been showing people a pathway to authentic public speaking for years. He’s got a great video up on YouTube. Watch it here:

******
Also –

Do you have a webcam?

If you do, would you be interested in taking a free 1-hour training about melting away the fear of public speaking?

Please email me if you are interested. sarah @t sarahmalik.com

******

Shyness or disease?

If you have ever wondered about where the line between shyness and a disorder of panic or anxiety or social anxiety exists, check out this Washington Post article. Lisa Braithwaite talks about it on her blog.

The line's been changing! As the newspaper article explains. It's kind of scary stuff. The implications are around how people should be helped for shyness or social anxiety. Should it be medicated? Or addressed through a talk therapy approach?

I think it's helpful to name things that are happening unconsciously inside of us. When we name stuff, we can notice it happening in our minds and this creates the opportunity to have a choice in the matter. Where previously this thing going on, that we're doing, has gone undistinguished. And unnoticed. Yet it maybe controlling us.

Like without realizing it, avoiding certain situations that maybe stressful. Now with the realization that you are avoiding a situation, you can say, oh, yeah, that's me wanting to avoid. What if I go there and practice my breathing? Or practice being receptive with my eyes to people? Without having to effort alot? Allowing others to take care of themselves? Without me having to entertain or be some kind of impressive person?

Or once you name a problem, you can then get help for it. It's hard to get help if you are totally unaware.

But I can also see how naming something can imprison you. Leave you feeling like you have some label on you that you cannot escape from. You have this disease. It then becomes a part of who you are, a part of your identity, part of how you see yourself. And then are you making yourself bad for having some disease? Layers of self-bashing can build pretty thick.

Medications have side effects. That's no joke. And I also believe that every person has the right to take care of themselves. So I want to support you in breaking free and getting what you need if you're not doing something because you've been taught that it's shameful (like therapy or whatever it is).

What do you think?

Modern freedom to be who you are?

This morning I was reading a post over at Dream Jobs Dialog about how in the modern era we are so blessed to be able to choose what we do with our lives, what we do for work. And how this wasn't so true for our relatives in the past.

Do you feel you have a choice? How much are you living in this modern era? Taking advantage of the freedoms available? Or are you living as if it was hundreds of years ago? Destined to misery?

I began to wonder, do you really believe that you are free to express who you are and to do what you want to do? Is this true for you?

I'd like to believe it...

I notice that I want to believe this is true. And yet, I have it deeply ingrained in me that I can't. That life is about struggle. It is about a hellish kind of hard work. It is about being professional (as in making money robot of sorts). It is about bundling up who you are, tight as a drum. So not a glimmer of joy or creativity gets out.

"Oh, but I love the colors of Red and Purple and the swirl of my pen around the smooth surface of the off-white paper." My heart cries out. (this is the creative, authentic voice that has gotten strangled and silenced my whole life)

What I'm waking up to in myself as I explore this question about can we really be who we are and do work we love, is that I have wanted that. Hoped for that. But operated under rules that outlawed it.

That I am truly a creative spirit. I am a writer and a creative spirit. That is WHO I AM. There is something deep inside me that knows that. (what do you know about yourself?)

But freedom like that just isn't true for me. (well, not yet)

I thought I had to be...

That the way I learned I was supposed to be was wearing a black, wool suit. With a professional demeanor, a frown or scowl? Or fake smile with ultra-white teeth? Focused on making money and making profits and acting intelligent. Void of emotional content. It was the jail keeper for the true me. My creative energy that wanted to flow.

So what rules are you living by? What does your jail keeper say? Who do you have to be? Act like?

For these are the things that really produce the fear you experience. They stop your natural expression. And that makes tension as the two clash. (doesn't feel too good, huh?)

So how can you do what you want (and be a 'modern' free person), if you don't know what rules you live under? And what's freely trying to get out instead?

Want to shake things up? Do something creative? To see when the jail keeper will say no? See where your desire flows, but your rules control? Take a class. Try something new, like Curt's doing this year at M.A.P. Maker. Pottery? Jewelry design? Drawing? Public speaking? Cooking?

What is it? Your self? Designing and creating it...

You have a Self. Well, lots of Selves.

In some ways, Self is a concept. Created invisibly by the mind.

In other ways, Self is tangible. Physical. Visible. You can point to something and say that is me.

People say they lack self-esteem or a feeling of value for themselves.

What is the self to which they are referring?

There are many ways to define Self.

A sense of self can be associated with many, many things. Seen and unseen.

You have a body. You could say, you have a physical self.

You have a being. That’s biological. And breathes. And digests.

And can move and do.

Does what you do make up who you are? Do you have a self that does things?

You think and have thoughts. Part of your self thinks. Many things.

Is your self what you think?

You have physical sensations. Part of your self tingles or hurts. Aches or relaxes.

You experience emotions. You have an emotional self.

Even if emotions constantly ebb and flow.

Even if new thoughts zip through your mind.

Some say you have a Higher Self and a smaller self.

Is your ego your self?

Is your soul or spirit part of your self?

Is part of your self derived from what car you drive?

Is part of your self about how your hair looks? Or how much you weigh?

Does your self come the family you were born into?

From where I stand, there a tons of ways to look at this. Tons of ways the mind or brain associates, integrates, identifies the human self with different things. Identifies the self as BEING different things.

But what is most interesting about all of this?  All of these Selves?

I think that it’s not that we have just one Self. Or even many selves.

And it’s not that I can stand here and say: Voila, here is your Self. Here is what it is, what it means and where it’s found.

But Self is how each person uniquely defines their own sense of Self.

One person may identify who they are as about the car they drive.

Another may not. Even care about that.

Another person may identify who they are with what they feel. At any given moment.

Another person may identify who they are with what job they hold. How much money they make.

Or who their grandfather was.

It’s really up to each one of us to create the content of our sense of self.

(even if we do it without realizing it)

Who are you?

What do you identify your self with the most?

Do you want that?

Or what do you want your sense of self to be based on instead?

Someone might make their Self too much about one single thing.

Or they may really want something else. That they cannot have because it doesn’t fit in with this very narrow sense of self.

But it is the person who decides!!! (it’s neither good or bad. it’s just whether that sense of self creates what you want or not)

I think it’s important (and fun) to realize this process we humans have of creating a sense of self. How we fill it in, inform it, create it.

Especially if your sense of self has been negative. You now have a chance to do/experience something different.

What makes you, you? To you?

And do you really want this to be how you identify your self? Or do you want something else?

And then, of course, do you have permission, feel safe enough, to be that self you really want to be in the world, around people? Do you allow this self to be seen or heard by others?

Does your self threaten others? Offend others? Does this self seem unacceptable?

Is it good or bad? According to who?

This is where a clash can happen! Where the sense of lack in value seems to come to the surface. Where there’s pain about not being able to be that self freely. To express that self. At least, that’s what it looks like to me here today.

What are parts of your self?

That you want to express, show, speak from, share, live by?

What would this look like, feel like, sound like?

And what do you need to be able to do this?

Or maybe you want to do something without it involving your self. Just do something to do it. And have it not be about anything else.

Maybe this could be a self that is free to do.

Why not design your sense of self around what you love?? Instead of what you dread?

Re-defining, another version of, self-esteem

In yesterday's post I wrote about how wanting to express yourself is the sister desire to wanting to experience a positive sense of Self. A sense that you, your Self, are valuable. Or esteemable.

Merriam-Webster dictionary defines the noun form of esteem as the regard in which one is held. And the verb form as to consider or to set a high value on.

I'd like to offer up a definition for self-esteem that I am developing. It is designed to help facilitate a kind of self-esteem not just from a mental, logical, western point of view, the I-think-therefore-I-am approach. But also from a rich, body-centered, grounded, yet soulful and spiritual and inspirational perspective.

Here's a bit more about what I mean when I say a limited, western, head-centered point of view.

Here is a quote from Mark Silver. He is a Sufi and a small business teacher. He says: "The problem with 'valuing yourself.'"

"The real problem here is that you are on trial. 'Value' is a judgment. Whether someone says you are bad or someone else says you are good, it's still a judgment. Judgment never feels good to the heart, even if it's going your way, because it inherently diminishes you."

I am beginning to believe that a sense of value blossoms naturally inside of you when you express sincerely what you want to express. And when others are available to sincerely receive and appreciate your expressions.

So here's a definition of self-esteem that I am working on.

Whole Being Self-Esteem = Having your soul, spirit, purpose, vision, sincere desire, highest wishes (use what words resonate for you), having those things 'animate' your body and brain, drive your words and actions, be the basis for how you live and for what you do.

Having those things make up the content of your decisions, the direction of your life. Have them be what informs your daily, tiny or practical actions and choices. As opposed to old beliefs and information you no longer want to live by, but that make up your habits, developed without your awareness as you've moved through life. Taken in from people around you and in an effort to protect yourself. Now you are beginning to know you have more options.

Your body, mind and brain can develop the power to act and live and express according to your brightest desires and hidden hopes.