finding the confidence and staying connected to your authentic Self

Staying Connected to Your Authentic Self...

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What are you seeking?

I've been writing these posts everyday for about 3 months now.

And one question, that I continually find myself asking, is: Is the yearning for authentic self-expression an artistic, creative desire? A desire for pure, raw, unedited expression in some creative form? Where there is no particular desired outcome? Where the goal is just the act of expressing in and of itself?

Or does this desire really come from an insecurity, a desire to look good? Or a genuine desire to be more effective, to want to do good work? Is it then, in this way, a practical, pragmatic desire? Not about expression per se, but about finding a way to fit oneself into the world and how it operates in a practical, realistic way? Where it's not about raw expression, but about developing ways that are effective and work well in different settings, at work, at home, with friends?

Of course it can involve all of the above. Yet I find myself wondering, is this just about needing a venue to just express, with no expectations, just pure flow of whatever comes? Is this what an artist feels like?

Or is this desire for authentic self-expression really about wanting to be more effective in the world, at work, with people, etc.? Is this what a salesman feels like?

Where are you coming from in your own search? Are you focusing more on creative self-expression? Or are you wanting to find more practical ways of being effective with people and creating certain results and outcomes? Or is it a combination of both? A kind of balancing of the two worlds perhaps?

Let loose

What creative or fun activity would you like to do?

Be like a kid and just play!!

To be authentic and connected to yourself, you must be able to let lose and play!!

This past week, I went to my first hip hop dance class ever. And it was a blast!!

Yeah, I didn't get all of the steps and who knows what in the heck I looked like!! But you know what!!?? It was a blast!!

It was a time to let go of my thinking mind and let my body move.

The music was great. We laughed and smiled. My body woke up. And I felt FREE for an hour. I gave myself total permission to just go, look like a fool, enjoy the music, have a good time and let my body and mind try this new thing!

Try something new and fun. It will refresh and revive you. You'll feel alive again!!

And what the heck, you can practice your skill of permission, of giving yourself permission to try and learn and mess up and look however you look.

If you can use this skill, there is no fear you cannot face.

What's the issue? How do you get more comfortable?

When meeting new people or being in a group, do you feel uncomfortable talking about yourself?

I totally understand this. And what's coming through to me now, more and more, is that if this is true for you, then there's one or more of these things going on for you (which one or ones is it??):

-- Perhaps you need to give yourself *permission* to talk about yourself and what you're up to, what you're good at, etc. And this one is deep, obviously, because the implications of giving yourself permission to be "the kind of person who" can present yourself well means that you're changing how you think of yourself on an identity level. You're a different kind of person now. And this may be a big upgrade of sorts in your self-image (yippee!!)

-- Or maybe you might need a little bit of how-to advice on how to speak about yourself and what you're doing or how you can help or what results you're creating, etc. You might need some help on the actual words or ideas you'd like to communicate. You may need to just put some thought into it. What would you like to say?

-- Or perhaps you just need more real-time practice actually talking about yourself in a way you like and feel good about. The more you do it, the more comfortable you will be doing it. And really the only way to move forward here is to do it, to get more experience, to put in the time.

-- Or perhaps you are actually not doing what you genuinely, authentically want to do in your life or you are not genuinely and authentically being the person who you really want to be in your life. If this is true for you, then how can you ever feel proud or excited to talk about yourself? This is where you need to re-assess your life, pull back all of your assumptions and figure out who you really are underneath the layers of who you learned you had to be. This is time to start finding things you want to do and be that you are excited about!

-- Or perhaps you are following your dreams and having at least some of the success you want, yet you feel insecure for some reason or your success doesn't feel solid. If this is the case, then you probably need to go back up to one of the first three points.

So what do you think?? What's going on for you?

The first step to the awesome life you want

Admitting to yourself, or to someone else who can be supportive, that there are inner blocks holding you back from your self-expression is essential.

It is shockingly easy to spend much of your life, hiding, plodding along or even seeking growth and learning, success and self-expression, yet still come to find that there are small and large pockets of your inner experience which you have never fully realized (a.k.a avoided). And that because they have never fully been realized, they may have blocked you from much of what you have wanted to do.

But the fear is really about the resistance, the unwillingness, the fear around articulating what's going on inside. Yet this is the first step you must take in order to grow in the ways that are most meaningful and will have the most impact on creating the awesome life that you want.

It is a human right -- like food and water

Today I am feeling deeply humbled that in order to be authentic, you must truly have your Self in good shape.

You must feel good about yourself. You must experience yourself as good just because you're alive -- apart from any skill and ability -- and be able to access and apply that experience when and where you need to. You must also know that you can (if you so choose) rely on that sense of being good and be able to go through the learning process of developing a skill and ability -- before you're any good at it, so that you can get good at it!!

These are the concepts of self-esteem and self-efficacy that I wrote about here recently.

These are the precious gems of your self-concept that are requirements for a healthy sense of self -- as a being who is happy, effective, and capable in this world.

I guess what I am saying is that a healthy, strong sense of self is essential for authenticity. It is essential for self-expression. (It really is not optional.) Because you need to have this, in order to be seen and heard by other people, to try and maybe fail, to get whatever reaction you get from others, and to not beat yourself up inside during the process.

I believe that every person deserves this sense of self inside of them, so that they can grow and explore and learn and follow their creativity, their desires and their instincts. So that they can express and speak, research and communicate, explore and question. A human being is truly not a complete being without this ability. A problem in your self-image is a major roadblock to the fullness of who you are, your creativity and your freedom.

I believe that every person deserves this healthy and strong sense of self inside of them, as much as they deserve food, water and shelter. This is a human right, I believe.

This is what I stand for, and this is why I'm communicating with you right now.

Small expressions of authenticity

Your authenticity shines through no matter what. It'll eventually spill out in some way.

Maybe in the way you put your clothes together. Maybe in the way you prepare food.

Maybe in the way you speak. Maybe in what book you buy or what movie you want to watch.

It's kinda hard actually to not be authentic in some aspect of your life. What small, small things do you do that are true expressions of your heart?

What are some ways that your natural energy and desire gets expressed? Describe it. Name it. What are some authentic qualities of your energy? And how would you like to expand your expression of them in other parts of your life?

It's a path that unfolds

One of my favorite coaches for creative people, Tama Kieves, talks about how we know how to follow the established path. The path of going to school to get the grades, getting the grades to get the career, getting the career to get the paycheck. These are the obvious hoops to jump through. And you can pretty much see where you're going and what you need to do.

But the authentic, creative path of authenticity is something that comes from inside of you. It is not out in the world as an established path you can follow. Instead it is more like an interactive process between your heart and the external world. And it unfolds.

It just blows me away how Tama talks about how your inner voice will never tell you what to do with your whole life. It speaks to you moment to moment. So you must tune into it and learn to trust it moment to moment. Wow -- that's not easy! eh?

The song in your heart is not logical!

The experience of authenticity maybe like this:

Your brain doesn't understand why you want to do, what you want to do.

It doesn't make any rational sense. And damn it!, it doesn't want to do this crazy thing you seem to yearn for so badly!

But if you tune into your heart, you may hear it singing!

This is not an easy situation to be in, to be divided internally, like this.

Yet ultimately, it seems like this quest is about getting your mind to accept what your heart so badly wants, so that you can go and do it!!

Can your mind cultivate some patience? Can it just wait and see how this goes? Can it just allow you a few hours or a few days of doing something your rational mind thinks is crazy? or silly? or pointless?

Just to see how your heart feels as you do it?

Authenticity is not always pretty

Today I had an amazing chat with coach Kamala Murphey, of Vibrantly Alive Women, and realized (thanks to Kamala!) that there is an important, essential difference between wallowing in victim-helpless mode and expressing something dark or depressing, if that is what is authentic and true for you.

We must be able to speak what we would rather ignore, to articulate what others might prefer to avoid.

Authenticity must allow for, it must include within its mean, that we're not always chirpy and happy. Or even empowered. Sometimes the truth is not pretty. And suppressing it with empowered, positive thoughts is not necessarily going to help you move forward.

I am coming to see this as my own gift: Helping people to feel safe enough to speak their truth -- however ugly or unhappy it is. And then to, say, okay, what's next? What do you want to do now?

Because I believe that until you can express your own truth, at least in some forum, with some listening ear, then you will always be cut off from your truth. And it will be very hard for you to know what you want.

This is what I am coming to and understand as one of my true gifts. And knowing your true gifts is priceless. It's what authenticity is all about. I highly recommend it!!!

From a poem called Risk by Anais Nin

And then the day came,

when the risk

to remain tight

in a bud was more painful

than the risk

it took

to blossom.